With Mother's Day just around the corner I've been in a melancholy mood. I probably am not often thought of as a melancholy person. Honestly though, it's a sad sisterhood/brotherhood for those of us who face Mother's Day/Father's Day without the all important figure living on this plane of existence to honor and cherish. For me, having my parents to communicate and share life choices and accomplishments validated me in a way nothing else seems to do. Maybe the child in me is still wanting to shout, "Look what I did, Mom, Dad...look what I did"!
I remember the first time this holiday arrived after the recent death of my Mother. I was in the drug store picking up some prescriptions. While waiting I was strolling the aisles as I am want to do. Suddenly, I came upon the card aisle. A solid symbol for all that was not. Row after row of cards honoring, remembering, cherishing and waiting to be chosen and mailed to Mothers around the world. It almost brought me to my knees. Now, I avoid those places this time of the year.
I've written before what a strong figure my Mother was in my life. She was the rock I turned to; my tour guide through the prickly, rocky parts of life. My 'Emily Post' of, "What would be the best way to handle this, Mom"? I was blessed to have so many wonderful years with her, I know. That's somehow cold comfort when the heartache is so strong and no way to reach out for the one person I am looking for.
I'll spend the day with my daughter and my husband. My sweet soulmate has lost his Mom too, so he 'gets' it. I will be cheered having my beloved daughter there to honor the day. But intertwined in the happiness of the day will be a few tears and sighs and moments of despondence. Once your own children have flown the nest and your own Mother is no longer there to honor, it can be a day of conflicting emotions.
I miss you Mom...I am grateful for all your wisdom. You would be the first one to tell me to, 'Snap out if it' and get on with living! I am doing my best to be a reflection of your stalwart character and soldier on.
In anticipation of the day~Happy Mother's Day and most of all...love to my siblings. I know...I really, truly know...